I don't know how to start the conversation
what should I say?
I'm looking for you for a long time?
that's not a strong reason
for a moment, I just watching... smiling... then hiding
I want to say, this is important!
I want to say, it's hard to find you but why you can't just turn of your head and see?
I can't
I can't say anything
when the rain go down, when I looked at the cloudy sky... I feel this is impossible
sometimes, no... many times I want to give up to looking for
I am not looking for love, prosperity, or popularity
why not?
while I turn around looking around many and more people have it
I'm too old and too late to start the race to get a world, so I gave up
I don't know who's beside me, the angel or the devil?
the angle who will said that you're the way to Jannah
or the devil who said what's he doing today? and make me want to know everything about you
I'm hiding here and you don't know where is it
I don't have many strength to face you
I shy and frightened
all it is fair for me want you as my path?
I looking for a map to find a place, an eternal place
you know where is it? Jannah

assalamualaikum...

its incredible I can writing and post to my blog in the hectic-day of work (work until I got a sick now... should bed rest and soon I can join to work again, amiin...) hmm, but can I share something about what I feel? I'm happy if you can response or giving a clue for me, it would be great and help me...

nowadays, I really feel bad, sad, angry and cruel. honestly, I don't know what I've done before until this is happen. I already know how to enjoying this habit, like doing, thinking, and solving  problem alone, although sometimes I shared what I thought to my mom and this is enough. I have girl and boy friends and I regard them as sisters and brothers, they already know my decision to bounded interactions with other but it doesn't mean I'm an antisocial. I made new friends but I don't want to made a new relationship besides it. I know people would call me egoist, fanatic or hypocrite but this is real me. what I've done in a past, I don't want to do it again. it's dizzy for thinking about my past or how much sins that I bear. once in a while I met a man and we chatted each other but why in the end I feel he's not a person I'm look for. he's just same as another man who want attract girls and make them as his girlfriend without responsibility. this is serious. I bored, hated and disappointed with him shortly. I cried when realize that the world too big and I'm nothing in this world. I'm too old to waste the time with the man who always giving a promise, just want to have an attention, and just want the best with simple way. so, if I decide to leave, it's not because I'm a cruel evil who come and leave with counterfeits expectation. I leave because he's not the true-man. the true-man's way are coming to my parents and say if he's serious and want to starting taaruf with me. I don't want to adding more sins for me and him. I believing with God's work and it's better to be alone than unhappy with someone. I wish they will know, the best way to finding a future soul mate is a with right way, the God's way. your soul mate is a truly your reflection. if you want to make me as your soul mate... you know what should you do. as the Qur'an say...

"tell the believing men to reduce (some) of their vision and guard their private parts. that is purer for them. indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do." (QS. An-nuur : 30)

"and tell the believing women to reduce (some) of their vision a d guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which (necessarily) appears thereof and to wrap (a portion of) their headcovera over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their us bands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. a d let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. and turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed..." (QS. An-nuur : 31)

assalamualaikum...  *sorry for late first post in 2015*

what people said about love? when the different become one. and people assuming if the difference is about person's habitual, people mindset, culture, or job. but what if the difference is religion? can you describe it? in the country with large scale of citizen and difference social culture and religion like Indonesia, it's not be hard thing to conceiving each other. but this is just happen in social intercourse. I see a lot egoism disposition that appears and have purpose just want to domination culture, example war of inter-ethnic groups or a fight for a land that will form to be a prayers place. I don't know why we living too hard if the reason we life just want to kill or makes other disappear. but that's the reality in this country. the country's tagline "bhinneka tunggal ika" not really work when the situation like this.
now, I wanna back to the topic about what the difference within love and the hardest thing that may happen about it. yeah, the hardest thing like I said will happen if you falling in love with someone who came from another cultural or religion. the first time you think it's gonna be okay and it will not affect your future. who said that? okay, let me said if you finally know if she/he completed your life so why we towed to marriage? so, the problem begin to occurred. marriage isn't only a agenda within bride and groom, but including both family. when the opinions from them about what to do in life after marriage. the older giving share and the younger take it. when we find our soulmate from other culture, maybe the polemic not pretty hard compare with we find our soulmate from other religion. based on reality, it doesn't make the relationship ended with marriage.
until I wrote and publish this post I still don't know how to solve this problem if happen in my friend, so if you have a other opinions, I would be great to know.
why I wrote down this? because this-thing that I as the moslem woman always to remember to find my ideal man in the same path sometime feel confused if I find an ideal man (with kindness heart, family lover or everything else) and good prayer... but he's good prayer in different path.
and the only-one's way is I have to courage my self to walk away and kill this bad-feeling.