assalamualaikum
*exhale*

nowadays, i'm so yearning to continuing my past's hobby... writting. my childhood until teenage life as a elementary to senior high school student was fulled with my daily routine by write some short story or long story (so long and ready to be a novel hahaha).

in spite of writing is like a common hobbies and everybody can do this, I pretty sure I do tho. I start writing since elementary school, my mom whose have been worked in a publisher gave me some fiction children books to read. since then I love reading and start to make my own imagination room. also thanks to my teachers whose give me the chance to start wrote a short story, give me some point and assessment from their point of view. that's help me a lot until I join several writing contest, and one day I join story telling contest. the sad beginning when I entered junior high school, because of the tied schedule between being a student and take a tutorial lesson outside the school, I can't continue join on the writing contest again. only wrote some short story and just save them as as draft in order to be life saver when my literature teacher give a tasks about short story or drama. hehehe.

continues when I entered high school, my school has a journalist club, then I joined. I also meet Lufi, my classmates whose have a same writing hobby. sometimes when we both already make a new one, we exchange our short story mutually. in the club, I sent my short story and often has been published there. just take the advantages I thought.

enjoyed create and make some imagination about something that never happen to my life. call it "hoping too much or dream big" nowadays but it's really doesn't make me feel uncomfortable nor sad if I see my real life in a past. that's the effect of my another hobby is read a book like as fiction books or comics. but, I have a desire to makes my own story, my own book based on my own imagination. but then, the hobby fully stop when I started my college life.

even for a long term I have a tendency to be a writer cause of my hobbies or just choose literature studies, I never really take the opportunity. I thought, I want learn something new so I take agricultural sides. since then, I concerns with my new subjects and slowly I stopped to writes. the half-hell's life just yank out my past hobby. I even can't make my imagination grows, I stopped readings too. yeah, just sometimes when I really have the mood to read some fiction books. but that doesn't mean my college life is like a greyscale paper, in fact I really enjoyed it. I have friends who really can makes me laugh out loud, can sworn me when they are angry at me, can break the rules and be diligent without makes us stress (even at some point, we're stressed in the deep). waait, why I start talked about my life T_T

okay, back to the first topic. writting. from my own sight, I truly miss my past habit. don't know if the reasons about I'm too bored with my worker life (the worker life is reflect my student habit, yep 11:12) or my desire to create some new story is slowly turn me up. but if I have some relax time and face on with screen, I'll do it well... even I don't know about the short story keep up to date or not. and the heal is I push my self to remain active writing although only through posts or make the trip reports on my own blog.

write even you just have five words to write in.

assalamualaikum...

hi mom.

I shared the story about you again. the second story? and it will never been enough. because there's a lot of story I can made it even the subject is only you...

you aren't like my friends' mom who really match as a shopping partner nor selca partner. during hug her I always said, "why mom you're look so fatty and dark? sometimes I envy with other mom out of nowhere..." we never done shopping together like woman or other my friends with her moms do. I never ask her to take a selca because she's ashame and worries of her aging face.

for last few years I didn't give her a gift at her birthday nor greetings. how can I such to be a happy daughter and realize my mom's age decreased? and I told her like that when she's ask (with little protest words) why I don't give her a greetings. cold-hearted daughter, huh? that's me!

I thought what I've done could make you happy enough. sure you'll says "I'm proud to be your mom" but it's like a thunderstorms in a daylight because you still have a burden which you can't shared with me. I know. I realized. but I can't because I haven't enough strength to face like you do. so I choose to be your volunteer when you need my hug, when you need water to pouring your burn heart, and when you need trusted listener...

we're living in a dream oftentimes just because we know the reality uncomfortable, unfriendly, and pointless enough to us. we both know isn't good too but there's any problems? only dreams and believing what we have and hold we're still have the positive mind to face the life.

I want mom. sure I wanna switch the place with you and all you have to stay in let me handle all of this because you're the heartwarming one not like me whose my heart turns become firm? strict? heartless? bad blood? (oh dear, it's Taylor Swift's song)

but I need times, mom. I need preparing the shield. if I do now without strategies, it will be like I take an own goal, useless. even me too, need a strengthen and I can't do it alone. I have been trying to push you and myself indeed, but it just works for short-term. sometimes I tired and need strength and another support. just hold on mom. stay strong mom. don't be grieve, Allah with us, as always...

sincerely,
your daughter

to be my sixth ramadhan far from my family, four year as a foreign student and now still counting as a foreign worker. even I just moved to other province. don't know yet, want to continue living here or back to hometown or move to other place. my mom said I have to comeback and search another jobs near there, my career told me not bad to be like now but my heart give a signal if it's okay try something new at somewhere new.

ah... spend time alone now to be my habit and I'm happy enough besides other people talk about my marriage plan or heart relationship. who says I'll mad or bad mood when you ask me that two things? I'm not mad but I just wanna give you deep sight and leaving you alone.

but it's ramadhan pals, stop bothering me with that unsolved questions... (if I already have my imam to be I will give the answer :p) let's focus on increase our pray, our Qur'an tilawah, our fasting's aim to be the best and lillahitaala

change your focus from just-fasting as an obligation to be the times when you can try your best about detracting your sins, taking  forgiveness, more grateful to Allah SWT.

don't you realize how great fasting in this holy month... you have to eat as need before subuh with aim and dua first. you do your daily activities as usual and you have to iftar at afternoon. how can you be able to pass the day? strong enough to pass the ramadhan? 30 days of fasting... isn't like scary first, but it will be your new and best daily habit afterwards. that's Allah Ta Alla works. make something impossible or hard to be possible and easy as long as you're trying...

ramadhan just come and we still have 25 days left to increase our prayer quantities and qualities. so, whoever you are... how much you miss your home your family in a holy month moments like the past, just be positive... you're not alone and don't make this temporary emotion or the homesickness make you pass the ramadhan with nothing.