assalamualaikum...

hi mom.

I shared the story about you again. the second story? and it will never been enough. because there's a lot of story I can made it even the subject is only you...

you aren't like my friends' mom who really match as a shopping partner nor selca partner. during hug her I always said, "why mom you're look so fatty and dark? sometimes I envy with other mom out of nowhere..." we never done shopping together like woman or other my friends with her moms do. I never ask her to take a selca because she's ashame and worries of her aging face.

for last few years I didn't give her a gift at her birthday nor greetings. how can I such to be a happy daughter and realize my mom's age decreased? and I told her like that when she's ask (with little protest words) why I don't give her a greetings. cold-hearted daughter, huh? that's me!

I thought what I've done could make you happy enough. sure you'll says "I'm proud to be your mom" but it's like a thunderstorms in a daylight because you still have a burden which you can't shared with me. I know. I realized. but I can't because I haven't enough strength to face like you do. so I choose to be your volunteer when you need my hug, when you need water to pouring your burn heart, and when you need trusted listener...

we're living in a dream oftentimes just because we know the reality uncomfortable, unfriendly, and pointless enough to us. we both know isn't good too but there's any problems? only dreams and believing what we have and hold we're still have the positive mind to face the life.

I want mom. sure I wanna switch the place with you and all you have to stay in let me handle all of this because you're the heartwarming one not like me whose my heart turns become firm? strict? heartless? bad blood? (oh dear, it's Taylor Swift's song)

but I need times, mom. I need preparing the shield. if I do now without strategies, it will be like I take an own goal, useless. even me too, need a strengthen and I can't do it alone. I have been trying to push you and myself indeed, but it just works for short-term. sometimes I tired and need strength and another support. just hold on mom. stay strong mom. don't be grieve, Allah with us, as always...

sincerely,
your daughter